Why my Faith is Strong Despite my Disorder

I have had many battles with my anxiety disorder. Have I won each fight? Absolutely not. It has knocked me down and beaten me HARD. But, I will always get back up. I will always keep fighting against it. And, I will always have my faith. Here’s why:

 My faith gives me a reason to fight. 

Faith gives me so many reasons to keep going. I’m going to be real with you guys: it got pretty dark for me for a while. I was depressed, thinking about giving up, having terrible thoughts, and stayed in a constant state of panic. I couldn’t control my own mind 90% of the time. 

God says that faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. That has to be true, because mustard seed faith was ALL I had. I feel like I used every last bit of my faith I had left in me to beg God one more time to help me. There I was, in my living room floor, sobbing, and begging that God would help me. I had reached my limit. If I bent any further, I was going to break in two. 

It was in that exact moment that I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time: relief. I had renewed hope for my life. I felt like I could breathe again. For so long, I had been barely getting by. I couldn’t enjoy life. I couldn’t even step outside my front door without falling apart. The things that passed through my head were awful. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Feeling a sense of relief was definitely welcomed. 

Of course, I had hard days. (I still do.) But, I knew that God would get me through it. 

My faith is strong now, because of the things my disorder has put me through. If I hadn’t have been at such a low point in my life, I wouldn’t have experienced being pulled out of it. And, that’s a feeling I’ll never forget. 

I am so thankful that I held onto my faith, even if it was just by a thread. I am so thankful to be here today. I’m even thankful for my bad days, because I know that I am strong enough to get through them. I am strong, and my faith makes me stronger everyday. 
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