I sometimes care too much what other people may think, because my mind has convinced me I’m being judged.
I have had thoughts so bad, and so dark, I won’t say them out loud.
I have locked myself in my house for days on end.
I have believed my brain when it told me I was crazy. I was useless.
I have cried. I’ve screamed. I’ve been silent because my mind told me I couldn’t talk to anyone. They wouldn’t understand.
My brain can be a dark place because of my anxiety. When people ask, “what does anxiety feel like?” I tell them it’s like having a constant all out war inside my own mind. It’s chaos. It’s having 278373 tabs open on your computer, and not being able to close any of them. It’s straight fear.
Some days, I look back at the hell my own brain has put me through, and I can only thank God I’ve made it this far. I am not going to lie to you and tell you I’ve never had a suicidal thought. I have. I’ve had them more times than I care to admit. And, everytime the thought crossed my mind, I’d pray.
I’m also not going to lie to you and tell you I’ve got my crap together, now. I don’t. But, I do have perspective. I have faith. Faith in God, faith in medication, faith in myself. It’s the reason I wake up everyday.
I am so thankful for my life. I consider myself to be quite blessed. I won’t let my disorder steal my joy away from me. It cannot take my life.
I HAVE OVERCAME. I AM STILL OVERCOMING. AND, I WILL OVERCOME.
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